Fighting to Hang Onto the Edge

Another really hot day. The pool is too hot to swim in. Good thing we stocked up on tea, lemonade and other stuff.

We feel like we're on the edge in some ways. Finally at times it feels like there's some moments of stability. We still believe that too much acidic stuff in your diet can make symptoms worse. However, you still scream
and have to fight to focus and not black out.

It feels like millions of flashbacks hit you all at once. Sights, sounds and terrifying things come out and you have to fight back to not fall apart. You also have to deal with all the other daily things as well. How do you deal with that?

We can't afford to go back to therapy right now. Which means using other sources in the meantime. We only call a crisis if we absolutely have to. Despite that, many times people don't want to talk to you because in their view it's "not a crisis".

How then do you define a crisis? Is there some checklist that you must meet first before someone will even talk to you? Other than one therapist, we literally feel like no one else has ever really listened in person. Or apparently cared?

What kind of effects does that have on someone? The terror is there at times even though you can look around and see that you're at home. The front door is locked. No one's going to break in and kill you. However, you still feel safer having a weapon close by just in case.

You try not to torture yourself over stuff that you'll never have. You try to keep going in the most positive way that you can. But you still have the fear and symptoms.

Where do you go for help? Do you feel like anyone's paying attention to you? If no one is, how do you cope?

We just try to keep our balance.