A key question has come up today. I don't have a death wish. I don't want to go on some rampage and kill everyone I see. Yet, that "just shut up and off yourself" thought is there.
Why? Is it one of my multiples? Is it because of endless abuse? Or, is it something else?
I'm not on any meds, and I don't want to go back on them. Also, admitting that the thought of suicide is there but not acting on it is important as well. I can't afford to go to a live therapist. Where then do I go?
It's really tough to try and find positive moments and to hang on to those. Much of the time it's fighting horrible flashbacks and feeling like, is anyone going to listen? We've had to get rid of a lot of triggering material over the past few months. If you can save something and make some money out of it, that's one thing. If not, just toss it.
Fight endless symptoms all day long. Then do everything else that you have to.
Where is this just kill yourself thought coming from? I have no desire to do it. However, I still don't know where it's coming from.
Since there's no instant cure for trauma, how do you deal with it? Break it down into small increments so it feels "manageable".
Love is the key. If you are interested in a natural love-based cure for trauna, take a look at www.LoveExpos.org - there is some great information for individuals who have been subjected to traumatic experiences, like abuse, rape and war. I have really enjoyed this site. It is so filled with love. They explain that traumatic experiences can be healed using the Energies of Unconditional Love in a unique process known as Evolutional Love Bursts.
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