Violent Symptoms

Not sure why. But lately we've been having violent PTSD symptoms. Lots of anger, dissociating and flahsbacks.

Now, why? Is it because it's only trauma flooding out? Is it because our blood sugar level is messed up? Is it because one or more of my multiples is lashing out? I'm not sure.

Our stuck fight-or-flight mechanism is really rough to handle. It feels like there's a block and you have to fight and push to get anger out, or you'll black out. You do, and then you have to do again. It's like an endless loop. Do that and everything else that you have to do in the day. Then you're totally wiped out. On the other hand, you have to get it out.

Flashbacks are sick and horrible. You can't just go with your feelings. You have to fight back. It's also hard at times to find positive things that have happened. Many times when you do you then get hit with millions of images and other horrible stuff. At night, you're afraid to go to sleep. Will you wake up? Will one of your multiples take over instead? What will you do then?

Our key right now is balance. We still do our tai chi and meditation at night. That combination usually helps to feel a little more centered. At other times, we feel like we're going to snap.

Then again, trauma has to come out.