It's a mix of good and bad. After years and years of fighting to not fall apart, we finally feel like we have some sense of balance at times. We can actually focus for stretches at a time and not dissciate. This after a really long period of non stop, horrible dissociating and the other PTSD symptoms.
We still have to push really hard to feel like we can get past the stuck fight-or-flight mechanism. It's still exhausting to try and deal with that and everything else. Despair is still there as well.
Also, anger. Aside from one therapist up until now (excluding the current one), NO ONE else has helped us. Not one person. Imagine fighting daily torture for years and having everyone you turn to say:
It's your fault
You fix it
I have no time or patience for this shit
What the fuck's wrong with you?
On top of that, they could care less what you think.
Can we trust anybody? Some believe that an innocent terrified little kid getting raped by a sick pedophile is "normal sexual experimentation". Many others never say, wait a minute! That's seriously fucked up!
Why not?
They don't care
They're too stupid to know that that's sick
They actually believe that pedophiles aren't so bad. So what's the big fucking deal?
There's anger, fear and frustration. At times, we're not sure of what to do or say. We stay at home so we don't go out and attack everyone we see.
Despite reaching this big breakthrough, most still have this "shut the fuck up and go away" attitude. You need to get help. Just don't act weird around me.
At least you're reading this. Thanks.
Since there's no instant cure for trauma, how do you deal with it? Break it down into small increments so it feels "manageable".
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