Latenight Thoughts

Staying up for a while to catch up on some writing. How's Monday looking in your part of the world?

We're really trying to maintain a sense of balance. Symptoms still happen all across the board, and are extremely exhausting to deal with. On the other hand, I've never had one mental health source that I trust say don't. At the moment, I can't afford to go to regular therapy. I am going to a temporary one (better than nothing). I'm doing all the holistic stuff I need to do to try and maintain my sense of balance. Yet, at the end of the day, we're totally wiped out.

One key to keep in mind? Unless you're someone's boss, you have no control over what they say or do. No one's forcing them to say horrible things about trauma that's not your fault. Therefore, they have to live with the consequences. Not you.

You have to fight that endless "you suck and other garbage" loop that a lot of trauma survivors get. Imagine fighting that every day. You can't sit back and do nothing because if you do, you'll fall apart. On top of that, almost no one will listen to you or take you seriously when you try to get help for PTSD.

We still have to fight to get past our stuck fight-or-flight mechanism. It's like a barrier that you have to fight to break thru to get anger out and then have some temporary sense of relief. Then, it starts all over again. Do that all day and everything else you have to do.

Nobody's going to give you any reassuring contact at all. Why? Are they afraid that they'll get raped if they touch you? Are you their worst nightmare and they just want you to shut up and go away?  Or, is it something else?

If we're a vet, instantly we can get help in at least a dozen places. Since we're not, many say we don't know what to do with you. Please go away.

It's not your fault. You didn't ask to feel like you're fighting endless torture to have some sense of balance. Yet, this reaction.

Do all trauma survivors have to go thru this?