Lots to do online tonight. Tomorrow, more in-person job contacts hopefully. The trick? How to time it right to get in to see the manager without pissing them off in this lousy economy.
Emptiness at times is really crippling. We feel like literally no one wants anything to do with us. Are they then going to turn around and attack us? Is everybody a threat? Do we have to fight everyone?
At times we still carry a concealed knife with us for protection. We feel like we have to because weird stuff comes out of nowhere.
Does anyone want to talk to us? Or, do they really just want us to go away? We really try to operate off of facts and not just rumors. However, at times you get the feeling that many can't be bothered. You freak them out, they're too busy. Or, maybe what they really want to say: you're their worst nightmare. So please just shut up and go away.
How's this for a scenario? Some of the Powers that Be say that torture is perfectly okay, and make millions doing that. Meanwhile, I'm told that that the statute of limitations on my torture have run out. I also can't get any victim compensation of any kind.
What do I do now? Just shut up and go away?
If I'm a vet with PTSD, I'm told there are dozens of places to get help. If I'm not, we don't know what to do with you.
Where do I go?
Like all trauma survivors, I don't want to have PTSD hanging over me forever. I also know that there are lots of tools that can be used. Aversion therapy. Writing down all your feelings at your rapist and then burning it and saying I'm done with you. That's nice stuff. The problem is I can't do all of that by myself. I need someone else's help.
Then again, if you feel like no one has time, what do you do?
Since there's no instant cure for trauma, how do you deal with it? Break it down into small increments so it feels "manageable".
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