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Time to stay in and focus on lots of applications and query letters.
The right p/h balance seems to be one key to try and deal with symptoms. However, they're still there. In the morning, we still have to lie down and focus to try and feel awake. By the end of the day of fighting symptoms, we can barely move. Which then means trying to fight the urge for lots of caffeine and sugar.

We know being raped isn't our fault. Despite that, at times it's really hard to find something positive. If you do, instantly you feel like you're getting assaulted by the psycho pedophiles and all the rest of them.

At times, we don't know what to do. You cry all day long and feel totally empty. Also, you have to screen everything to make sure it's not triggering. We still have flashbacks to literally turning away to silently scream because if others can hear you, somehow that's disturbing to them. I know that makes no sense at all. But for a long time there was that "weakness isn't tolerated" warped thinking. It's still there for the others in the "immediate family". I'm biologically related to them. We lived in the same house for a time. But that's it. I literally have no other connection at all to them.

The emptiness and need to fight are still there. We just try to keep in mind that it's not our fault. We're not abnormal in any way. All of these symptoms, pain and frustration are backed up unfaced trauma that needs to come out.

If it doesn't threaten you in any way, please link this blog everywhere you can. Also, please, no spam links. If you wanna make money, go someplace else.