What's for Lunch?

Today, lots of stuff to cover. We're starting to get job callbacks. One says thanks, but we think you're overqualified. The good news is that someone's paying attention. Onto other leads.

Dissociating is still painful. You feel like you have to scream to stay focused on one thing. If not, you don't know where you are. Regular TV is out of the question. Everything else online has to be screened. If we go out we have to have an escape plan, just in case. We still carry a weapon with us at times because we feel safer. A gun is just too expensive and not a good idea. As long as we don't set off any alarms or draw attention to ourselves, it's okay.

At times there's lots of anger because of a long time of 24/7 horrible dissociating. Imagine literally having to fight to focus and feel awake. Then, take lots of meds all day long to look cool and calm on the outside. You literally can't focus for 30 seconds without being bombarded with flashbacks, lucid dreams and other noise. Now, at times it feels like dual realities. However, we know we're not psycotic. We don't have any other mental problem. It's a matter of keeping a healthy balance.

We won't go off on a rampage and kill everybody that's treated us like shit. The thought is there. But we won't act on it.

On the other hand, despair and emptiness are still there. On bad days we turn everything off and can barely get thru fifteen seconds. We still have to fight to get thru flashbacks and stay grounded. All of our sources that we trust all say it's backed up trauma that has to come out.

NOTE: The latest check shows that our global audience is picking up. Thanks for that, and unless it hurts your healing in some way please spread this everywhere you can. One trick if posting links in comments is how you say it (versus just an obvious link). If you word your comment the right way, that site's content police will usually let it stay up.